It seems that something ain’t the same today
The kids are different, no, they ain’t the same
Kids today don’t like the same stuff
Back in my day we liked different stuff
Today’s kids’d rather stay indoors
They don’t help, they don’t do no chores
Loggin’ on, clickin’ pictures in the dark
Downloadin’ zip files of Linkin Park
These modern teens are just a different breed
They’re on their smartphones, it’s all they need
Takin’ selfies everywhere they go
Holdin’ phones instead of hands with bros
They don’t care about the birds and bees
Their favorite birds are mad, and on a screen
Today’s kids don’t even get their hair cut
Let it grow, cuz they’re on their phones
Today’s kids listen to disco
It’s on their ringtones, yeah, wherever they go
They load an app, it just plays disco tracks
These kids ain’t clickin’ “like” on rock ‘n’ roll
These modern teens are just a different breed
They’re on their smartphones, it’s all they need
Takin’ selfies everywhere they go
Holdin’ phones instead of hands with bros
Kids today are playing Xbox
Back in my day we had sex with those
No different for Nintendo Switch or PS4
We made that love to all consoles
We’d gather ‘round and do it on the floor
Two of us, sometimes inviting more
Lots of lube inside controller ports, yeah
Pumpin’ all night, then do it again
Back in my day, we had physical rocks
But today’s kids just have digital rocks
Can’t throw it, can’t stick it up your ass
Missin’ out on rock stuff with friends
Why do kids eat food, it’s so gross
Back in my day we made love to food
Chips ‘n’ dip ‘n’ cheeseburgers ‘n’ fries
Rubbin’ the grease on my crotch and thighs
These modern teens are just a different breed
They’re on their smartphones, it’s all they need
Takin’ selfies everywhere they go
Holdin’ phones instead of hands with bros
Kids today are using seatbelts
Growin’ up we’d always save ourselves
Drinkin’, drivin’, kissing buddies in the car
Makin’ love to the empty beer cans
Sometimes a blizzard brought the snowstorms
Playin’ outside, penis in icy snow
Put my testicles in my best friend’s mouth
Keepin’ warm, whilst making love
Today’s teens aren’t having sex with
Their shoes, just usin’ them to cover their toes
I used to wrap the laces ‘round my scrotum
Giving high-fives to all my chums
These modern teens are just a different breed
They’re on their smartphones, it’s all they need
Takin’ selfies everywhere they go
Holdin’ phones instead of hands with bros
These modern teens are just a different breed
They’re on their smartphones, it’s all they need
They don’t even have sex with phones
Growing up, we all had sex with phones
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019